


split the blank and the silence

by moonfishes



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Secret Crush, jaeten are also kind of best friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:40:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29661195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonfishes/pseuds/moonfishes
Summary: Ten had heard about it from Jaehyun, who had heard it from Donghyuck, who had overheard Johnny tell Mark that he liked someone. His first thought was gleeful surprise—it was perfect ammunition to tease Johnny with—before the confusion seeped in. Why would Johnny tellMarkabout liking someone and not him?
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 17
Kudos: 199
Collections: Challenge #5 — I heard a secret..





	split the blank and the silence

Ten had heard about it from Jaehyun, who had heard it from Donghyuck, who had overheard Johnny tell Mark that he liked someone. His first thought was gleeful surprise—it was perfect ammunition to tease Johnny with—before the confusion seeped in. Why would Johnny tell _Mark_ about liking someone and not him?

“I just don’t understand,” said Ten, chewing on the tip of his straw. “Why didn’t he tell me about it?”

Jaehyun shrugged. “Maybe he didn’t think it was important enough to bring up?”

But that didn’t make sense. Johnny told him everything. It was one of the fundamental tenets of their relationship—thou shall not leave a secret untold. Whenever Ten had a free day in his schedule (which was almost never), Johnny would text him _coffee?_ and they would bundle up in their coats and sneak off to some coffeeshop on the other side of the city. There, they would catch each other up on months worth of gossip from their respective units, which included topics that ranged from petty dorm drama to the addition of new quotes in the Shit Mark Lee Said quotebook that they had been compiling since they were trainees.

Whenever Ten had a problem, Johnny was the first person he texted. It was the same for Johnny—he was rarely upset, but when he was, Ten would be the first one to know about it. It made him feel proud that he was the only one in the group who Johnny trusted to confide in like that, so if Johnny really had a crush—why wasn’t he the first one he told? They had divulged much deeper and darker secrets to each other—how could a simple little crush be something that Johnny didn’t want to tell him about? It didn’t make sense. 

Jaehyun took a loud, noisy sip of his own drink. “Sorry,” he said apologetically, when Ten flinched. “You were just… almost…” he switched to English, _“thinking out loud.”_

“Oh my god.” Jaehyun had descended into heavy laughter, the half-bark half-sneeze one that made him sound a little bit like a drunk bear, and Ten could not help cracking a smile at it. “You just quoted Ed Sheeran at me. You really are an old man, Jung Jaehyun.”

“Well, this old man wants you to stop thinking so hard. Nobody is as close as you and Johnny-hyung,” said Jaehyun, his tone gentle. “Seriously, don’t worry about it. I’m sure this is nothing.”

“Okay. Yeah. It’s nothing.” He decided to file away this knowledge and not think about it. It wasn’t a big deal anyways—just a little crush. Not anything important. Johnny would probably tell him about it at a later date anyways. 

* * *

Johnny never told him about it. 

Ten waited patiently for him to bring it up, but he never did. For the first time since they debuted, they were promoting together in the same unit—so Johnny had ample opportunity to tell him about it. But he never did, and it baffled Ten to no end: why was _Johnny_ keeping something from him? He looked carefully for signs of anything wrong, but Johnny was his usual genial self, cracking jokes with all the members and purposefully making a fool of himself during rehearsals. He treated Ten no differently too; the same inside jokes (about Mark) during filming were met with the same surreptitious glances, he texted Ten with the same frequency as before, and by unspoken camaraderie, they stuck to each other during group activities like they always did. 

Nothing had changed. It did not seem like Johnny was withholding anything from him. Ten was starting to think that maybe Jaehyun (or Donghyuck) had heard wrongly. He didn’t want to confront Johnny himself about it, though—they had a comfortable friendship that was drama-free, and Ten held adamantly to the tenet that Johnny _would_ tell him everything. If he wasn’t saying anything, that meant there was nothing to tell. 

Nevertheless, he was still unbearably curious. If Johnny did like someone—who would it be? He cycled through all the options—there was no way it was a non-celebrity, because they just did not have non-celebrity friends in Korea, so it would have to be someone from the idol industry. Someone from the idol industry that Johnny knew. A foreigner? An English speaker? Most likely someone from SM as well, and with dawning horror, Ten realized that it could even be someone from NCT. Johnny was bi, and the people they saw most were their fellow NCT members. It was not an illogical conclusion at all, just not one Ten wanted to entertain: the thought of Johnny dating any NCT member was… weird.

From the side of the practice room, there was a deep chuckle. Jaehyun, again. “More thinking out loud? Are you still worrying about a certain someone?”

“I will cut you,” promised Ten. He was struck, though, with the thought of whether _Jaehyun_ with his too-perfect face and deep voice could be this secret crush. “Just because you got over your repression doesn’t mean you can be a little bitch to me now. I will cut you and then freeze your perfect face and donate it to a museum.” 

Jaehyun raised one of his too-perfect eyebrows. Ten decided then that there was no way the secret crush was Jaehyun. “Do you think they can freeze my face when I’m blushing? I’ve been told that I look better as a red-faced peach.”

“Jung Jaehyun. Can you pretend you don’t know me so you can act all shy and awkward and not like this?”

“Why does he need to pretend?” asked a new voice. It was Donghyuck, who took one look at them both and said, way too sweetly: “Hyung, are you gonna play a prank? Can I join in? Is the target Doyoung-hyung?”

“No pranks. It’s about Johnny-hyung,” said Jaehyun. Ten tried to make his smile as threatening as possible, but Jaehyun just ignored him and continued: “Do you remember when you overheard him tell Mark about liking someone? Tell Ten-hyung about it, won’t you?”

“Oh, _that.”_ Donghyuck wrinkled his nose. “I don’t really know much about it. I just heard Johnny-hyung say something about liking someone, and Mark-hyung sounding really awkward about it, then everything else was in English and so fast that I couldn’t understand a single word. I don’t know, ask Johnny-hyung himself about it. Well—actually,” he said, turning to face Ten, “why aren’t we asking _you_ about this? Hyung won’t tell me these things, of course, but why isn’t he telling you? You’re, like, his best friend?” 

“No comment,” said Ten, who refused to appear vulnerable in front of Lee Donghyuck, demon child and the bane of all the NCT hyungs. “Go away, child. We don’t need you here.”

“I was asked!” Donghyuck protested, pointing defensively at Jaehyun. “He asked me to tell you about it! Why are you targeting me?”

“Lee Donghyuck. _Leave.”_

“Jaehyun-hyung! You asked me! Back me up, I didn’t do anything!”

Jaehyun raised his hands in surrender. “I’m staying out of this,” he said. “It’s none of my business. I’m just one of the messengers.”

“Ugh, whatever.” Donghyuck threw his arms up into the air. “If you don’t want to tell me now, fine. But I’m telling you,” he said, threateningly pointing at both of them, “I’m going to find out what’s happening sooner or later. And you’ll regret it then.” With that said, he stomped out of the practice room, slamming the door behind him.

Ten sighed. “We raised a demon.”

“Not you,” said Jaehyun, still amused. “That’s entirely Johnny and Taeil hyung’s fault. They enable him too much. He basically makes out with them and they don’t even flinch at it.”

 _“You_ are a demon too,” said Ten. He was also trying to entertain the thought that _Donghyuck_ could be the secret crush: he was pretty and wickedly smart and absolutely Johnny’s type. It made sense, and Ten absolutely hated that it did. “You’re just too nice about it.”

Jaehyun hummed. “Mm. So are you going to ask Johnny-hyung?”

“Ask him what?”

Jaehyun looked at him with an incredulous expression.

“... I don’t know,” admitted Ten. “It’s just weird. Are we not…” he trailed off then, trying not to sound mopey—it was more and more probable that Johnny _was_ keeping something from him, and the acknowledgement of that hurt more than he thought it would. What happened to the tenets? The promises? If Ten had a crush he would be telling Johnny all about it.

“Hyung,” Jaehyun’s voice was serious now. “I keep telling you, I’m sure it’s nothing bad. And if it’s worrying you so much, just ask him. He wouldn’t withhold anything from you without a reason.”

“How would _you_ know?” Ten asked, feeling a little sour—his tone was meaner than he wanted it to be, but he wasn’t in the mood to apologize over it. “Are you a mind reader?”

Jaehyun went silent. He met Ten’s gaze for a few seconds, unflinching, before he smiled quietly to himself and turned away. “No. But I’m sure.” His voice was confident. “Go ask him. He’ll give you an answer.”

“What if he doesn’t?”

Jaehyun laughed. “How long have you known him, hyung? He will always answer you.”

* * *

Ten decided that Jaehyun was right. If it was bothering him so much, then he needed to ask Johnny himself. Johnny would answer him, like he always did, and they could laugh about it, like they always did. The tenet would be upholded, Johnny could talk about whoever had caught his eye, and Ten would be free of all this drama that had been plaguing his mind. 

It was easier said than done, though. When Johnny caught him at the end of a resonance rehearsal, he had said: “Ready to go?” in that carefree, easygoing _Johnny_ voice, which made Ten nearly forget about the whole secret crush—he just wanted to have Johnny’s arms on his back, warm and steady, and traipse back to one of their dorms together for a quiet evening of Netflix and food. It was then, on the walk back, that Ten remembered his mission, and that thought nipped at his brain like the cold did on his fingers, spiderwebs of frost crawling into his body. 

“You’re freezing,” said Johnny. He didn’t appear to be cold at all. “Do you want my jacket?”

“It’s ok,” Ten replied, teeth chattering. It was only for another five minutes or so; he could withstand it. “Keep it. I’m fine.”

Johnny laughed. “You don’t need to act all cool with me, Tennie. You’re freezing. I’m not. Here,” he took off his jacket and placed it on top of Ten’s shoulders, smiling. “Now you’re all warm and cozy.”

“It’s still cold,” Ten complained. “I don’t understand you. How are you wearing a short-sleeved shirt and not feeling anything?”

“I’m from the Midwest,” Johnny said, as if it meant anything to Ten. At Ten’s confused look, he laughed and added: “Ah, right. Well, the winters there are much colder. This is nothing.”

“You’re an alien,” Ten retorted. “Who cares where you’re from. You’re an alien.” Feeling childish, he stuck his tongue out at Johnny, before wincing as the cold hit his tongue and seeped into his mouth. “Fuck, that was cold!”

Johnny laughed at him. “And you’re c—” Much to Ten’s confusion, Johnny sheepishly cut himself off. “Ah, nothing. It’s just very cold for you, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” Ten replied. Then, before he could forget again, “I want to ask you something. Can I?”

“You have to ask to ask me something?”

 _“Ugh,”_ Ten whined, as Johnny snickered at him. “You are so annoying. I can’t stand you. But yes. Can I?”

Johnny made a sweeping motion with his arms. “Please. Go ahead.”

“Do… do you like somebody?”

Johnny, who had been bouncing along the pavement with a gait unsuited for a man his height, suddenly came to an abrupt stop. “Wait. Did someone tell you that?”

“Jaehyun,” said Ten. At Johnny’s completely confused look, he added: “Ok, not exactly. I know that if you told Jaehyun, he would never tell me about it. Jaehyun heard it from Donghyuck who heard it from Mark talking to you about it.”

“Figures,” Johnny muttered, letting out a low chuckle. “News travels fast, huh?”

“Is it true?”

Johnny looked carefully at him. “Yes.”

They resumed walking. Johnny was less bouncy than before, but he was still walking fast, and Ten had to take huge steps to keep up with his pace. “Just…” he said, trying to convey his sincere confusion, “why didn’t you tell me?”

Johnny sighed. “I didn’t know how to. I’m sorry.” 

They had reached the 127 dorm building, hovering outside the lobby like moths—it probably wasn’t the best place to have this kind of conversation, but Ten didn’t care. “Baby,” he said, and Johnny let out a breath, sounding almost pained. Ten reached up to cup Johnny’s face; his hands were freezing, and the warmth of Johnny’s face sent a jolt through his veins. “I know you better than almost anybody in the world. You don’t have to have a way to tell me things. You can just tell me them. It’s okay.”

“This one is different though,” murmured Johnny. He pushed his face closer to Ten’s fingers and let out a long sigh. “You’re my best friend in the world. You know that, right?”

“Yes.” He had never doubted that. “Then, why…”

Johnny closed his eyes. “Come upstairs with me first.”

In the lift, Ten silently entwined his fingers with Johnny’s. Johnny squeezed his fingers in return, rubbing his fingers against Ten’s knuckles. When they arrived on the fifth floor, they didn’t separate; hand-in-hand, they walked towards the apartment suite. They did this all the way through the door and into the living room, nodding at a half-asleep Doyoung and bypassing a leaving Taeyong, before arriving at Johnny and Donghyuck’s shared room. There, they separated, but only so that Ten could remove all the articles of clothing that he had piled on himself. Soon they were sitting comfortably in Johnny’s bed together, and Ten outstretched a hand again. Johnny took it as easily as he always did.

“So.” Ten decided to break the silence. “Want to tell me about it?”

Johnny met his gaze for so long that it was almost unbearable. “I’m sorry,” he finally said. 

Ten tried not to feel hurt at the obvious non-answer. “You don’t have to tell me now, of course.”

“No, no.” Johnny shook his head, and he almost looked—embarrassed? He was chewing on his lower lip and staring at Ten with wide, apologetic eyes, like he was steeling himself for a bad reaction. “I want to tell you. I’m just—sorry. I’m sorry if it changes things badly.”

“Really, there’s nothing to be sorry about—”

“It’s you.”

Ten furrowed his eyebrows. He wasn’t really following. “It’s you? It’s me? What?”

Johnny sounded almost resigned when he said: “Who I like.”

“Oh.” Ten felt—he didn’t know what he felt. It was not a secret he thought Johnny would ever have, and he prepared for the inevitable awkward silence as he mulled it over—but yet the silence was filled with the comfort that was _Johnny_ , steady, constant, his hands resting warm and sweet in Ten’s own ones. “How—how long?”

“Don’t even ask,” murmured Johnny quietly. “I don’t think I can even remember. How long have we known each other?”

It felt like a lifetime, thought Ten. They had known each other for a lifetime and back. Johnny, who had made his trainee life bearable and bright—who had never let him become accustomed to the bleak feeling of loneliness—who had attached himself so firmly to him that he had solidified a place forever by his side. He did not know a life as an idol without Johnny; there was nobody who could be what Johnny was to him. But he never thought—not in his wildest dreams—that this love would metamorphose into the love Johnny was speaking of now, and in his shock he could only ask: “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I just—couldn’t,” said Johnny. “Ah, this was stupid. I knew that you—”

“You don’t know that,” Ten intercepted quickly. “I don’t either. I only know—” he had to pause there, feeling shy, “—I only know that I love you. I think… I’d still love you in any way possible, with any type of love. I don’t think it’d change if, if we…”

Johnny looked at him, eyes disbelieving. “Tennie. What are you saying?”

“Why do you like me?” asked Ten instead. It was something he desperately wanted to know, and the confession did not change the fact that Johnny was the only person he was comfortable with asking such a question. “I’m just… I don’t know. Me,” he finished, feeling derisive. “Just Ten. Just me.”

“Just you,” murmured Johnny. “That’s why. Who else could it be?” He said so firmly too: like it was the easiest truth in the world. “There’s nobody else. It’s always been you.”

“Oh,” said Ten. “I—” He was trying to apply the same logic to himself: _it’s always been you._ It had always been Johnny for him too, he realized. The platonic and romantic had no distinction within this fact; there was no bridge to cross between them when they had already been shored at the root. They had yielded, unchanging, into each other, and when Ten leaned in to kiss Johnny, he knew that he was right—it was so easy, so simple, the most natural continuation of the years they had spent together. Johnny smiled into the kiss, and Ten pushed himself flush to Johnny’s chest, light and happy. It was the freest he had felt in a while. Laughing, he murmured into Johnny’s mouth: “It’s always been you for me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> "Since the first star split the black   
>  Split the silence, too [...]   
>  It's been you, it's always been you   
>  It's always been [you."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mtdL38JpgQ&ab_channel=LyricalGuys)


End file.
